How To Influence Without Being a Teller

Ever wish the people around you would just do what you say? You are not alone!

Everyone dreams of a life where the drama is removed and everyone is some how healthy, wealthy and wise (and world peace for those of you who watched Miss Congeniality.)

In full disclosure – I’ve been coaching for over 5 years now and I still have urges to be a teller… especially with those closest to me. That’s where I want to be my best self and where I fail the most.

Here’s what happens most often when people tell others what to do:

Think about it. What happens when someone tells you what to do. The first impulse is usually an internal “You’re not the boss of me” kind of response.

I usually feel belittled and compliant OR  I want to do whatever it is they don’t want me to do just to assert my independence.

So, what can I do if I really want to help someone out?

These two simple steps can change everything:

1. Really listen to them! Empathy is a connector and always a welcome friend. We all want it but seldom give it as a first response.

  • Find out what is driving their angst.
  • Ask them what they are feeling.
  • Try to see their perspective – what they are thinking.

2. Connect them with God’s plan! (not necessarily yours…)

God always offers a plan!

Stop trying to be the hero.

God wants to be the hero in their story and when we tell people what to do it’s like we are trying to step in and play that part it’s like we are tying the shoes of our teenager when they really need to be doing that for themselves.

You can trust Him!

Lead them to Him!

Walk with them in the journey assuring them that God has a plan and wants to meet them there!

A good coach is a hope broker! You can offer hope!

Cindy Scott is a professional Life Coach, Coach Trainer and founder of Bridges Coaching. She has her roots in Elim - is an EBI grad and is ordained through Elim Fellowship along with holding a Masters in Ministry and Lifeforming Leadership Coach Training Certification. Cindy loves helping people or teams build bridges to what could be through the coaching paradigm and/or helping them understand their destiny by design!

She and her husband Eric, Care Pastor at Elim Gospel Church, have four grown children, enjoy biking on the Erie Canal Trail and love a leisurely trip to Starbucks.

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